The following is from yesterday’s entry to my “Confidential Journal”. I felt I should be bold (or stupid) enough to share it publically (if slightly modified for privacy reasons etc.):
“…Today I put on Facebook the following:
‘Controversial - Instead of imprisoning kids in schools we should give them laptops and show them educational videos!’
…I was half expecting someone to reply, “But you were a teacher!” Thinking on this, I now reflect that I did not believe in either of my two main jobs. I never liked School and I didn’t want to force kids onto “slave labour” government “schemes” as a “Careers Adviser”. Sure, I enjoyed helping kids learn and I loved supporting them in Careers Interviews. Mine were indeed “Helping Interviews”. (I now see myself as having been a “Career Coach\Developer”). But I didn’t agree with many of our “company objectives”. So why did I enter such “Bad Jobs” in the first place?
The honest answer is that I never really knew what I wanted to do. Like thousands more I just followed the “Academic Route”. At least, for me, that was an escape from working in a foundry alongside Dad, bless him. Both my parents fully supported me taking this road: if they couldn’t escape, at least their children could. Indeed many folk have been “Perpetual Students”. (I know at least two).
Maybe I should have bit the bullet and become a Journalist. Or maybe settle for being a Librarian. I still don’t know. Nor do I know what Life is all about. I keep writing poems on this and the inner search goes on. Recently I invented “Lifism”: whereby you cherish All Living Things and take it from there. Sorry but I can’t just blindly follow the instruction of some “God” on all this. I remain an “Agnostic”. But as the joke goes, “I really just don’t know”. I’m with the Ancient Philosopher Aristotle on this (if I understand him correctly). Maybe I am here to try to find out or create what it’s all about…”
The Quest goes on.
Paul Butters
© PB 2-3\12\2020.
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